So the previous day we had booked a day trip to Koh Phi Phi, Maya Bay and Khai Island via our hostel for a price of 1600 baht each (£32). This got us a minibus to and from our hostel to the ferry port, the speed boat journey to all the islands, swimming, snorkelling, lunch, drinks etc. All in all we thought this was really good value and by booking through the hostel we had paid half the price they quoted everyone else.
So we got up nice and early, ready for the minibus to collect us at 8am. I was quite tired and was between Patrick who had the window seat and a random person. I found a very novel way of trying to sleep which was to drift to sleep, my head getting heavier and falling, and then I would suddenly wake up when I realised my head was going into the lap of the stranger. This happened repeatedly and also on the speedboat journey back to the port later that day.
It took about 1 hour and we arrived at the ferry port and were handed our green bands for our group we would be with. There was free juice, hot drinks and biscuits at the port which was a nice touch and we sat down and waited for our group to congregate.
All the employees of the travel company seemed to be men that had very lady like tendencies, case in point was our main guide which wanted us to call him ‘Miss Monica’. Probable ladyboys or at least transvestites at night but can’t be sure.
They gathered us around for what amounted to a sales pitch, telling us how the shop at the port was cheap, how we could book scuba diving for a limited time, how we needed flippers or we would drown at sea. It was a little cringeworthy and when I looked in the shop at the port, the prices were horrific. For example, packet of chocolate cookies was the equivalent to £5 in UK monies.
We got on the speedboat and enjoyed a VERY bumpy ride to Khai Island. We were being violently thrown up and down so I took the opportunity to make a rather rude dildo joke to Patrick. Karma struck and the guy next to me was sick from the ride but luckily no sick managed to colour my still pasty white skin.
For the islands we went to, I took my old phone with a somewhat dodgy camera that seems to distort colours. We went to Khai Island first, then had a buffet lunch on Koh Phi Phi Don, followed by Maya Bay, Monkey Island and Koh Phi Phi Leh. I’ll let the pictures do most of the talking for this bit.
So here’s what we did. On Khai Island we mostly went swimming in the sea and relaxed in our deckchairs. I regretted not taking my flip flops on this one as there was a lot of shale in the sand that made it somewhat painful to walk on barefooted.
We had a buffet lunch on Phi Phi and a quick swim, before visiting the monkeys on monkey island. We were all told specifically not to feed them or touch them so of course one woman was a complete idiot and starts holding food for them, only to be attacked by them.
We then had the opportunity to snorkel off the coast of Phi Phi. Let me tell you now how incredibly hard me and Patrick found this. The equipment was cheap but the main problem I had was preventing the instinct to breathe out of my nose. I still managed to swim with some very nice fishies and we made our way to finish at Maya Bay.
We had 45 minutes at Maya Bay so started swimming in the sea, when Patrick takes his green group band off and says ‘let’s play a game called flick the band’. He flicked it first and I caught it, and I flung it back but it went miles away. Despite my intense efforts, I was very much unsuccessful in finding what was a needle in a haystack much to Patrick displeasure.
So it was time to leave on our speed boat.
The journey was 45 minutes and we then got into the minibus back to the hostel about an hour after this.
We decided to go out and so we headed to the notorious Bangla Road. It was the seediest place I’ve ever been with every other person offering us a ping pong show. Patrick used an interesting tactic of getting rid of them by telling one person he had already seen 5 of them which the salesperson didn’t have a clue how to respond to.
So all the bars had Thai ladyboys and hookers galore. It was all a little sad really, so before we got some drinks, we played a game of ‘follow the sex tourist’.
We picked an old westerner and followed him around looking as he made his way around Bangla Road getting ready to make his move. We had codenames like ‘Bob’ and ‘Bob2’ and I was pretending to radio Patrick ‘we have lost contact with Bob2 copy’.
I then escalated it a little more by telling one guy getting led away by Thai girls that I knew him. He did not look impressed!
Eventually we made our way to another bar where there were a lot of westerners girls sitting on a table. I was quite drunk by this point and Patrick was telling me how ladyboys are ridiculously good at connect 4 so I went over and challenged one that was playing the girls on the other table.
Unfortunately she (he) absolutely destroyed me at it as was soon walking away with my wager to buy a shot of something.
Whilst walking around the bars, many ladyboys invited us into their bars offering a special massage (boy did I feel wanted). They were really strong and kept gripping our arms to try to tug us in, at one stage 2 of them gripped me so tightly that I had to get Patrick to pull me off them
So we made our way to a nightclub…
It was just full of loads of tourists, but it was okay. I had one more beer here but then stopped drinking for my evening and started dancing with Patrick.
Patrick was trying to chat up 2 Germans but I was tired and uninterested so I took the room key to try to find my way back to the hotel.
What should have been a 20 minute walk was probably around 2-3x this long as I got a little lost looking for my way back and was propositioned by more ladyboys and endless taxi’s.
Eventually I got back to slump into my bed, Patrick had actually made it back before me and got reception to open the door for him.
Soon enough I was asleep…